Happy Dead Mom Day #21

Happy Dead Mom Day, Prince Harry!

Okay, maybe putting a picture of naked Prince Harry on your blog about your dead mom is not the most polite or respectful thing to do, but it's my dead mom day and I'll celebrate like I want to. You see, as I mentioned last year, our dead mom day is the same as Prince Harry and Prince William's dead mom day. Yes, Princess Diana and our mom died on the same day, several years apart. And like I said last year, I've always felt like there were all these bizarre connections between us and Princess Diana and her poor motherless princes. For instance, Princess Diana and my mom look alike, Princess Diana and I like the same chocolates and I ate a whole box of them the night our mom died, and Princess Diana and our mom have the same dead mom day. (Also, one time I danced booty-to-booty with Prince William, but that's another story.) And then, last week I was having a marvelously shit-tastic day (which is funny because my dead mom days are never that shit-tastic, but wow was this day I had full of emotional shit-storms). So in the middle of this emotional shit-storm, I turned to Twitter for solace and distraction, and what did I see? Naked pictures of Prince Harry!!! How did he know that this is exactly what I needed???? Thank you, Harry!!!! The shit-storm clouds drifted away and all I could see was rainbows, unicorns, and a grainy shadow of some royal dong. We are never alone, people, never. Not even in our darkest moments. If you have a dead mom, the Universe will always send you presents.

So, this morning, I realized it was dead mom day, and I wanted to call Prince Harry and thank him for sending that naked picture into the Universe so it could come to me. But that's ridiculous, I can't call William or Harry because I don't have their phone number, even though we share EVERYTHING else. So, I will put this into the Universe and hope it reaches them through the Dead Mom Coconut Wireless:

Dear William and Harry, Happy Dead Mom Day! If you ever want to hang out on our Dead Mom Day, I would be totally down to eat hamburgers and drink champagne and talk about our dead moms. And if you want to do any of that naked, I'm okay with that too. Love, Laura p.s Call me maybe! (I can't wait to read that joke next year and then facepalm myself.)

I think this just shows what a gentleman Harry is, protecting the lady from the camera. Our moms may be dead, but chivalry is not.

So, what are we doing for dead mom day? Well, first of all, Mele thought yesterday was dead mom day, and she texted me to wish me a happy dead mom day. When I told her that she had the wrong day, she was pissed because she'd already spent a whole day mourning. I understand. It's exhausting mourning your dead mom, and it's just poor time management to spend two whole days doing it. Like, how are we supposed to go to the gym and remember to pay the electricity bills??? We have a dead mom! We are busy!!!!!

Our mom has been dead so long that now she's 21, so of course I wanted to go to Vegas to celebrate, and this was even before I knew there might be a chance of seeing naked princes in Vegas. Now that I know Prince Harry might be swinging in his birthday suit, I want to go to Vegas all the time!!! When I told Mele we should go to Vegas, she replied, "I am unemployed and I live with my dad. Now is not the time for me to go to Vegas." She is so responsible. Harry lives with his dad too, but he still went to Vegas. I really think people shouldn't give Harry a hard time for all his Vegas partying. Sometimes moms die, and sometimes you gotta play pool naked. I get it, Harry, I GET IT! Anyway, I am not going to Vegas. I am going to some rooftop and I am going to drink cocktails. And Mele is pretending that dead mom day was yesterday.

Last year on dead mom day, my friend Liz heard that I was alone, and so she came over to my house, dressed as what she interpreted my dead mom would look like, and brought me flowers and coconut water. It was really beautiful. Not everyone can be visited by Floridian Tropical Dead Mom Barbie on their dead mom day, and I am supremely grateful to the Universe for always directing me towards the right people for my tribe.

Liz as my Floridian Tropical Dead Mom Barbie.
Rule #1 of having a dead mom: Find your tribe. If you can't have a mom, have good people.

Also, here is my anniversary tribute to Prince William and Kate, performed on aerial silks. And by "tribute" I mean, "sorrowful remembrance of the day I realized I would have to be Prince William's SECOND wife." Is it incest if you marry the son of your dead mom's kindred spirit twin person?

Happy Dead Mom Day, everybody!
May love, light and other worlds surround you.

(Images: TMZ)

Happy Birthday To Our Dead Mom!

I'm running out of time to write this, with just minutes left on the East Coast for our dead mom's birthday, and just a few minutes left before the clock turns and it's my birthday. Mele proclaimed (via text message) that in honor of our dead mom's birthday today, we should wear big sunglasses, bright lipstick, and tell people that we love them. So, please enjoy today's photographic evidence of our big sunglasses/bright lipstick tribute to our dead mom, including an archival photograph of our dead mom, circa 1986. Also:

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Happy Birthday to our dead mom! We have the best dead mom ever!

And...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Thanks to our dead mom for having me! I'm so glad I was born!

Love,
Laura

p.s. Mele got married a few weeks ago, and of course our dead mom could not attend, but that's a whole other story, which I'll save for next time.