Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Happy Dead Mom Day #20


Happy Dead Mom Day!

Our dead mom has been dead for 20 years. That means our dead mom has been a dead mom for half as long as she was a living mom. Whoa! Our dead mom is way dead.

So, what did we do this dead mom day? Well, Mele texted me to ask if I knew that Princess Diana's dead mom day is the same as our dead mom day. Of course I know that! I remember because I was at one of my high school dance's thinking, This is totally weird that my dead mom has been dead for 6 years and I'm at a dance and [Fartface v. 1997] won't ask me to slow dance! Then someone said, OMG Princess Diana just died! And then I was sad because I kind of thought of our dead mom as being the same as Princess Diana, and now there were two dead moms, and I didn't have William or Harry's phone number to tell them that my dead mom would look out for their dead mom.

See, when our dead mom was a living mom, she and I talked about Princess Diana a lot. Actually, they looked very similar - dark blond hair, big blue eyes, ability to wear a tiara on Tuesdays, etc. One time, my mom bought me a box of chocolate-covered cherries at the grocery store because she'd read that Princess Diana liked them too. It just so happens that someone had brought me a box of chocolate-covered cherries a few days before our mom died. After my step-dad woke me up to tell me that our mom had died, I remember picking up the box of chocolate-covered cherries and eating a lot of them, and feeling comforted that at least, in my darkest hours, I could stress-eat just like Princess Diana. That is sad and gross, but so is having a dead mom, and I can narrate the E! True Hollywood story of my life as it happens to me however I want to. Anyway, to re-cap, our dead mom looks like Princess Diana, our dead mom gave me Princess Di's favorite candy, and then, a few years later, I met Prince William in a pub and he hit on my best friend, and then Prince William married Kate Middleton just a 2 days before my birthday, and on my birthday I wore a Zac Posen for Target dress, and if my dead mom were a living mom, she would totally wear a knockoff of whatever Zac Posen dress Princess Di was wearing, if Princess Di were a living princess and not a dead princess. And then, on my birthday, Osama Bin Laden became a dead terrorist instead of a living terrorist, and we still don't know who killed Princess Diana, so you see, IT'S ALL RELATED! Kind of.

Anyway, back to how we celebrated our 20th Dead Mom Day. Well, Mele hasn't done anything yet. She's busy finishing work so she can go on vacation and visit me and see my big aerial silks performance, celebrating the end of my one-year challenge to learn aerial silks. What did I do for this Dead Mom Day? Well, you'll never believe it, but Apple gave me a new iPhone! Just for having a dead mom! I know! It's great, right? Just kidding. They didn't give me a new iPhone because I have a dead mom, they gave me a new iPhone because the first one they gave me was a piece of crap and it was broken, and pretty soon I was gonna have a dead iPhone and a dead mom. Phew! Glad we avoided that tragedy!

But in all seriousness, Mele and I keep wondering how we should mark these dead mom days. Should we make a bucket list and cross something off each year? Should we run marathons for breast cancer (ha!)? Should we get a mammogram so we don't become dead moms too? (Too late, I had my mammogram in April.) Or do we dress up really fancy and do fancy things, because our dead mom was way fancy, and our dead grandma was even fancier, and Princess Diana was the absolute fanciest, and their cocktail party in heaven is absolutely hopping today, so maybe we should try to replicate some of that back here on Earth? Or do we just keep on doing our thing, being awesome, loving our dead mom and living large? Just because we've got a dead mom doesn't mean we have to live like we have a dead mom, right? Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin, and I like to save all my change and cash it in for mani-pedis and prosecco.

p.s. This weekend I was in a gay wedding. My dead mom would have really liked my glittery bridesmaid shoes. Dead Moms for Marriage Equality!